I just saw a hot homeless man
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
