once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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