Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
