walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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