if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
