I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
