is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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