Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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