We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They took my balls.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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