worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
