Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
