Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Randomize
