Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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