she looked like the bat from fern gully.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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