apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you would pick up someone in the library
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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