Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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