i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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