do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Two words: blizzard sex
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
