Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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