It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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