I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
