worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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