I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
