Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
