nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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