It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
