carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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