my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
