you win again, gameday.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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