When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
