she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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