Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
