i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
