I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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