are you still at the devil's house?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
