I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
