I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
