even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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