I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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