I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
