took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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