That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
