1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
