Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
