Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
