For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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