Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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