I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
