Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
