I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
