I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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