I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
