i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
