Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
