All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this will be a night to untag.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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