Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
