this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
