I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
