my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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