laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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