I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
