We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
