i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
