so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i dont even know how to be here
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
BRING THE BAGELS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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