and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
