Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
