she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
