these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this will be a night to untag.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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