he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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