last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
FUCK WHALES
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize