how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
