listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
