you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
