dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
