You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
