I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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