Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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