Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
