just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
They have beer where we have blood.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
