suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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