also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
