Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize