I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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